I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there's paper in my vomit.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
