need another drink. this is the easiest way
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
