Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
