Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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