I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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