if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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