this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
