I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
