that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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