Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
