Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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