This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
