I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
