i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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