the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
