tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
These tits shall not be calmed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
