Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
