Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize