sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
