this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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