Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
