...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just want nice things and good sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
