We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
