I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's the barista slut.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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