Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
