I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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