i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
