I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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