Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
