I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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