Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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