He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Randomize
