remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
