you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
