I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
