I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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