Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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