I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
