I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
