hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
