my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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