I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
