oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
