so that wasnt chicken after all
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
