i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
