I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
