Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
