i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
