She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
