Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
