Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
