yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
