WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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