I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
