It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize