New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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