Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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