trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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