my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Randomize
