Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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