i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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