I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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