cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
