I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
