Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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