Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
