Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
