Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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