Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
