if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
