Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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