I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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