you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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