Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
